Present

This blog post has been a long time coming. In fact, it feels as though my very first post, Now is the time, is as accurate a description of my journey from then to now as it was of my journey prior to starting this blog. I move forward a bit, then freeze. I move forward a bit more, then freeze… And so it goes on.

It has often felt like I’m getting nowhere but actually, each time I move forward that little bit more. The more I feel the fear and manage to move past it, the more risks I’ll take the next time.

Usually I have a long list of things I want to achieve at the start of the year. This year, all I wanted was to try and remember to be kinder to myself. To be truer to myself, to worry less about what other people might think and to take more breaks. In short: To be more present; to be authentically me.

Being more present

Being more present has some interesting side effects. The more I managed to stay present, the more I noticed when not being present had actually served me pretty well, on some level. When I started this blog I had a dream – to move towards living a more authentic life, one where I could be more of me – all of me, even – all of the time. I had a vision of what that might look like and started taking baby steps towards it but never made that big leap… Something was holding me back. In fact, the closer I got to realising my vision, the more I stalled. Not being present allowed me to do this.

A wake-up call

Actually, I had more than a couple of wake-up calls this year. Some seemingly insignificant coincidences came together to propel me forward to take bigger steps toward my dreams. As I did so, more things began to happen. The pieces started to slot together. It was time.

Writing. People. Poetry

Back in 2010, I wrote a blog post in response to Ann Hawkins, who had invited readers to share their straplines. I came up with ‘It’s about People, it’s about Poetry,’ which later evolved to ‘Writing, People, Poetry and everything in between.’ At the risk of sounding like an M&S advert, this is not just a strapline.

Writing, connecting with people and creating poetry are my passions. They are the ‘what’ that drives me, that makes me who I am… I will stay up half the night to write and still not feel tired. When I’m doing this work, it doesn’t feel like work. Time feels different. It slips away unnoticed and hours feel like minutes, or it stands still and ten minutes can feel like hours. In a good way.

So why not do more of it? Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of success..? Probably a combination of all three, and more… So, when fate stepped in and forced a life change on me, I decided it was time. My strapline has now evolved again, to ‘I write, I coach, I rhyme.’ Why? Because Writing. People. Poetry has become my brand.

I’ve put myself out there. Properly this time. From ‘doing the odd bit of freelance work’ for years, I have finally taken a giant leap of faith. I’m here. Present.

Is there anything you have been thinking about doing for a long-time and not yet got round to? If so, what’s stopping you? Or have you taken a giant leap recently that you’d like to share? Please do share in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!