I had a really vivid dream last night. I wouldn’t usually share my dreams here, after all they are often intensely personal. Writing this almost feels more like a journal entry…. But I guess it doesn’t hurt to get personal once in a while.
The dream, which, unusually for me, I remember in detail (but will describe in brief!) began with me standing on top of a very high wall – let’s say cliff height. It was a long drop. On one side, birds were eating each other on top of muddy water. On other, the water was clear and still but there were many dangerous obstacles in it. I looked down at the birds, then back to the obstacles and decided to take my chances. At least the water here was clear. I dived in and hoped for the best. After what seemed like no time at all, I reached the shore. I had arrived at a holiday resort on a tropical island. With wet clothes, now in rags, and no money on me, I walked confidently into the hotel, knowing someone would help me get to where I needed to be.
So, if this dream is so personal, why am I sharing it..? Well, although several dream dictionaries offer different interpretations, I think that, for me, this dream serves as a metaphor for life. I can sit on the wall for the rest of my life, or I can leave those birds eating each other behind and take the plunge into something new. There may be obstacles along the way, but if I can see them, I can do my best to avoid them. The jump is a leap of faith, and, though it is not without risks, I may end up somewhere beautiful.
I had very little sleep last night as the baby was up every two hours, but after this early morning dream I woke up feeling so refreshed, and more importantly, motivated. I wanted to share this little piece of me with you, to let you know where I’m at. Who knows, it may say something to you too…. If so, or if you have any alternative dream interpretations, I would love to hear from you.
Ok so I cheated a little. This took more than five minutes… Wrote it in an hour – but that was in between feeding, burping, changing and playing with baby so it was probably more like fifteen! And I promise I didn’t edit.
Flat on the floor
My feet remind me
To keep moving forward
and leave the past behind me
I push down through my toes
and reach up to greet the sun
Tuning out all the noise
As mind and body become one
In my teens I once decided
To walk through the town centre
With my feet bare
I was shy back then but when people stared
I didn’t care
Running through the park
Its like I can stop time
My feet barely touch the grass
Leaving my worries a mile behind me
When life gets too much
They take me to where I need to be
The footprints in the sand are mine
I hope my feet never fail me.
With limited writing time, I thought I would head back to Debbie Ohi‘s Instapoem blog and give today’s prompt a go. So here’s my poem, ‘Sky,’ written in 2 minutes…. Thanks for the inspiration Debbie.
At the park
You look up in wonder
“Sky” I say, pointing
You smile and reach out
As if to touch it
I hope you never stop trying.
Hello again. Been a while…
So, inevitably, this is a bit of a ‘Mummy’ post, seeing as that’s pretty much been my sole identity for the past three months. Now that baby is starting to settle into a routine (it’s a baby led routine, tweaked a little to suit my purposes, if you’re interested) and sleeps longer at night, I no longer need to nap every time baby does and am starting to get my life back a bit. Of course it will never be the same again (and I wouldn’t want it to be) but I am starting to remember what its like to be Rachael, as well as Mummy.
Whether you are a regular reader or are new to this blog, you will probably have gathered that being a writer is a big part of my identity. So a few days ago, while baby napped, I decided to pick up my journal and start writing again. Before I did so, I read my last few entries. I was surprised to see just how much I’ve changed. My last few entries were full of petty complaints and selfish concerns. I could blame pregnancy hormones for this, but, looking back, many earlier entries were also rants about things or people that had upset me. Don’t get me wrong, I also wrote about real issues that I had needed to get out of my head clear my mind, about my concerns for others, or simply thankful thoughts for a particularly good day. However, the childish rants really bothered me. That’s not who I am any more and I wouldn’t want anyone to look back and remember me that way. Baby has taught me more patience and understanding, making me a happier and more at peace on a personal level, and an even more intuitive coach on a professional one.
So, dear readers, I have a question for you… Do I keep my old journal as a reminder of how far I have come, or do I destroy it, as a symbolic way of truly letting go of the past and starting over? Have any of you had the same dilemma? If so, what did you do? Please add your comments in the box below.
Thanks for reading – its good to be back!