So, it’s been less than a month since my last post but it feels like forever! I needed the break, yes, but I did miss writing and engaging with you. It’s good to be back.
So, why the sabbatical, so soon after my last? Well, as I mentioned, I needed the break, and the headspace to contemplate another shift in focus. As you know, I got married back in June, hence the break then. Since June, I’ve started a new job (same company, new role. I get to do more writing. It’s all good) and an intensive training course to which I want to give 100%. So far, a couple of good reasons for a shift in focus, no? Well, in addition to these new ventures, I also found out, around the time I got the new job, that I was pregnant! That required a major shift in my way of thinking.
Now, the pregnancy wasn’t a complete shock, after all, I had just got married… But what I found most challenging of all was keeping it a secret. I know I’m not the first woman to fall pregnant and keep it to herself, and I certainly won’t be the last, and women have been managing to successfully (more or less) keep this particular secret to themselves for at least 12 weeks for centuries, but I underestimated how challenging this would be for me.
It’s not like I’ve never kept a secret before. We all have minor secrets, things we just don’t share with most people, and keeping those? No problem. When a friend shares a secret that’s ok too. I can discuss it with said friend, should I feel the need… But this? It was hard. Especially in the face of quite a few people actually asking outright ‘so are you pregnant yet?’ and then having to lie because I didn’t want to announce it so early. It’s surprising how many of those who ask this question are women – I didn’t like lying to my friends, but I can only imagine how distressing it would be to be asked that question if I were unable to have children.
Pretending to be fine at work and when out with friends when I felt like crap and all I wanted to do was sleep for a week wasn’t easy either, but I got there in the end, and I am pleased to say that I am now almost 16 weeks pregnant (that’s four months – took me a while to get used to thinking in weeks!) and feeling much better. I’ve been told that the second trimester is the ‘honeymoon’ period of pregnancy, and as I am starting to enjoy my changing shape, instead of lamenting the body I had before, I can begin to see that. However, I don’t for a minute underestimate the fact that everything began to feel lighter and easier for me straight after my 12 week scan, when I was able to share my news.
Are there any other pregnant women or Mums out there who find the energy invested in keeping the big secret to be almost as exhausting as early pregnancy itself? Or is it just me? Please share your experiences below!